One night, I had an epiphany. Don’t get me wrong — freelancing is freaking awesome. The flow of cash, though sporadic, and flexi-time were nice. I love waking up at 11 am on a Monday with only text messages from my courier. I love making a fresh cup of coffee — not because I desperately need it — but because I want to. But the benefits that come with freelancing isn’t exactly the turning point.
Within the thought exists another, probably brought about by anxiety or self-doubt. It was a small voice yet it was domineering, “Get a grown woman’s job.” it said. Don’t get me wrong! Freelance work seems like an adult job but I was doing it as a part-timer, and most of the time, I feel like I’m just winging it. I wasn’t committed to it like a total fuckboy. I wanted something my Asian parents could be proud of. I wanted something that I can do with confidence for probably a long time. So, I started applying to jobs online, and here’s what I got:
It’ll take a while before they reach out to you
When I was a first-time job seeker, employers did not contact me immediately which is understandable since I have no job experience. But, after my first job, they still took a while. That’s when I realized my CV, LinkedIn profile, writing portfolio, and cover letter’s importance in getting a callback from an employer. However, sometimes that’s not the case. I’m not sure when is the peak season for hires since I only paid attention to the calendar based on astrology. I kid you not, I got so many callbacks on the 11th of January, 2021. I was hired on the 13th.
Support systems are vital to your performance
Often times, you’ll cave in to these buzzing thoughts that scream nothing but negativity towards you. Ground yourself by talking to people who genuinely see your light and know what you are capable of. They shouldn’t draw you out of reality by painting a nice picture straight out of your fantasy. No, they should be able to hype you up about it. Like, “you’re a freakin’ hard worker and you always meet deadlines. You’ll do great!”
The dread before the actual interview is torturous
It’s completely normal — until you start feeling a panic attack coming in hot. Better reset your mind when you score an interview and rehearse your lines. Light a scented candle to calm your nerves, or put meditation music on full blast. It’s the best choice as opposed to crying in bed over delusions that won’t happen. Anxiety will paralyze you, so do some reinforcements before it does. At least you’ve made your background research and notes before self-deprecating.
Coffee is not your best friend
I learned the hard way that coffee and anxiety don’t go well together. If you don’t like your panic attacks to be extra strong, I recommend leaving out the coffee for some other time. Trust me, it’s better this way. You don’t want to amplify the dread. Instead of spitting out words, you’ll end up stress-vomiting.
Getting government requirements is bothersome but fulfilling to achieve
Once you’re hired, you’ll be asked to process some government requirements (at least in the Philippines). Queuing in this pandemic is definitely a suicide mission but for the sake of finishing it all ASAP, just get on with it. The feeling once you’ve accomplished your employment checklist is just top-notch. Don’t forget to wear your mask, alcohol, and face shield!
Besides, if you want to do it, by all means, do it.
It’s definitely a process but as long as I’m taking steady strides towards the future I’ve envisioned for myself, then it’s okay. Change is not supposed to be comfortable. Besides, if you want to do it, by all means, do it. Hesitations may get the best of you but — what if it all works out? Face the dilemma, be brave, and remember to take a lavender essential oil with you. Don’t ever forget the courage you’ve had the moment you applied upon reading the job description. You have it in you to be great.
